In my most recent post – DON’T BE A HELICOPTER, BULLDOZER, OR BUBBLE-WRAP PARENT – I tried to stress that a parenting style which is hovering, overprotecting, and babying is unconstructive at best and damaging at worst. So what style is best? Try parenting in the style of an air traffic controller or in the form of an ice-pack.
Instead of hovering over their children, ready to swoop down at a second’s notice to make sure their children don’t lose, don’t get stressed, or don’t get left out, an air traffic controller parent can be off in the distance, still keeping track of their child, but allowing him or her in most situations to do the actual piloting. The air traffic controller doesn’t steer and land the plane; that is left up to the pilot to do. The air traffic controller can’t jump in and grab the flight controls and rudder panels if the pilot is off course. He or she can merely point out obstacles and offer advice and verbal directions. Similarly, a child raised by a mom and dad who parent this way will become much more independent. And isn’t that a parent’s ultimate job – to raise a child to become an independent person who can become more and more self-sufficient and self-confident until ready to leave the nest?
Instead of being bubble wrap parents, making sure your child suffers no pain (physical or emotional), often by not allowing your child to be in any situation that could possibly bring about pain, it would be better for parents to think of their jobs as being ice-pack parents. Let your kids fall down and get a bump. You can be there afterward to hand them the ice-pack. How will you children ever learn if the bubble wrap makes a fall seem uneventful? A child needs to fall – or get a bad grade or lose in a game – in order to learn from it, to learn how to persevere, and learn how to improve. You are there with the ice-pack to help bring the swelling down after the fall, but you removed the bubble wrap ahead of time so to allow your child to experience the event. Don’t take the childhood experiences of a skinned knee or a disappointing day away from your kids. They need these experiences so to develop into fully functioning human beings.
A psychology professor at the University at Buffalo did research with showed that a moderate amount of stress in one’s childhood promotes resilience that assists the person when older in dealing with conflicts and adversity. The professor’s undergraduate students rated how many stressful events they had in their younger lives, such as having to deal with the death of a parent or having a significant childhood illness. The professor then plunged his students’ hands into ice water and noted that those students who had experienced more stressful events in their youth actually felt less pain from the ice water plunge than those who had experienced no stress when children.
You build “tough” kids by allowing them some independence, by not saving them from every little struggle, and by setting it up so they have to deal with typical childhood stresses. A rookie airline pilot has to handle the turbulence and land the plane himself or herself, with the helper in the air traffic control tower there only to provide information or suggestions. That is how the rookie pilot becomes a veteran expert pilot.
It’s eye-opening to realize that when compared to mothers a few decades ago in the mid-to-late 20th Century, today’s mothers – even though they have fewer children in the family and are more likely to work outside the home – spend more time than those previous generation moms in getting involved in their children’s lives. What we need is for these 21st Century moms – and dads – to adjust their involvement so that it revolves around family dinners together, going to Mass together, and doing wholesome activities together – and not around micromanaging their kids’ schoolwork and athletic endeavors.
Above were the words of our Mother Mary – also known as Our Lady of Guadalupe – to Juan Diego in 1531 Mexico. She spoke these words when she appeared to the distressed boy who was trying to find a priest to care for his sick uncle. Below are the words of Jesus during his three year period of going about teaching the people of what can be gained by following Him. He was not speaking of people’s physical labor but of all the worries and troubles they carry in their minds and hearts:
“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me; for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)
How often we take matters into our own hands rather than turn to prayer and realize we have a loving Almighty Father and a loving caring heavenly Mother. Parents can both lower their anxiety level and help their children by backing off from getting personally involved in many situations and instead, share their anxieties and worries with the Lord and with their spiritual mother in heaven. Daily tell Jesus both your fears and aspirations for your children, asking for His assistance to your kids and/or comfort for your worrying. Daily pray a Hail Mary and replace the ending – “…pray for us sinners…” with a more personal “…pray for my children…” Let go of all the parenting-stress that is weighing you down – letting Him help you carry that burden and letting her be your prayer warrior.
A PRINCIPAL'S PRINCIPLES FOR PARENTING 
When I our first born fell down during playtime, we found ourselves rushing to provide immediate empathy and consolation. We learned our lesson, so by the time our last child suffered an “ow-wee”, we’d bark out from a distance, “Are you dead?” Receiving a “No” from the child, we moved on – and so did they.
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