INGRAIN MASCULINITY IN YOUR BOYS; IT IS NOT TOXIC

Today’s society has confused people into not understanding the benefits of masculinity. There may be men who display toxic personality traits and act in harmful and dysfunctional ways, but so-called “toxic masculinity” is a bogus term. By inventing this term, feminists, leftists, and sheepish men were trying to say that the males species is too manly these days. I would argue that the exact opposite is true. Too many men in the 21st century are not masculine enough.

Go back 10 years and search for the term “toxic masculinity.” You will be hard pressed to find it mentioned anywhere other than in obscure journal articles written by irreligious and/or sordid people. However, the term blew up recently in popular culture, and now is recklessly and casually slapped on as a label to define any behavior from a boy or man that the politically-correct society disapproves. Yes, unique personality traits of individual men can be toxic or harmful if we are saying a guy has traits that are unwholesome, emotionally stunting to him, and/or violent toward women. But speaking in generalities, the naturally occurring, masculine traits seen in boys and men are not intrinsically bad and should be encouraged, especially these days in order to counter the onslaught of anti-male propaganda spewed in social media and from the Hollywood media.

We are told that the traditional masculine traits, such as stoicism, competitiveness, and aggression, are evil. If these traits are evil, then manhood itself is evil because traditional masculine traits are natural. Of course, there are a variety of men and thus various ranges of how strong or weak these traits materialize; not all men can fit into one narrow box of temperament and make-up and so some men will appear more undemonstrative, cutthroat, and feisty than others. These masculine traits are considered traditional because they have always been evident. Even thousands of years ago when there were isolated civilizations that were cut off from the world and never were told of other societies or other nations, the males in these isolated civilizations were stoic, competitive, aggressive men who were expected to and appreciated for fighting, hunting, and competing.

It is important for parents to not let their boys grow up believing there is such a thing as masculinity itself being “toxic.” Boys need to grow up taking pride in traditional, God-given masculine traits. God has made each and every person in his own image. Thus, as men, what we receive from God through our sex is inherently good; it cannot be bad or toxic.

Males and females are uniquely suited to different and complementary roles in God’s plan. This plan includes a family’s optimal situation to be one in which a masculine-heavy husband/dad and a feminine-heavy wife/mom join together to raise their children. The specialness of God’s creation of complementarianism between men and women, not only in physical reality, but in personalities allows mom and dad to each play different, but essential roles in their children’s development. Men as fathers relate to and treat their children differently than female mothers. A young son has different struggles than a family’s daughter, and the father’s unique experiences, knowledge, and innate, masculine behaviors often are more needed and better suited to help his son face growing pains that mothers can’t relate to or assist.

Conversely, Satan’s plan is to destroy the family – the basic building block of society – and so he is celebrating today’s feminization of men, which includes defining masculinity as “toxic.” Satan, the deceiver and the “father of lies,” is getting many women (and passive men) these days to look at bonafide men with derision, and sadly too many men these days are living up to the demon’s expectations.

As an example of the destruction of the family, it is a fact that there is a higher percentage of fathers not living with their young children that at any time in history, along with the overwhelming majority of high school dropouts being fatherless. Additionally within the Church, more Catholic men than women are quitting practicing their faith and thus forgoing modeling authentic Catholicism to their kids. Obviously, it is not good for the men themselves to move away from the faith, but it is equally bad for their families as studies have shown that when men go to church, their marriages are happier and their children are more likely to retain their faith as they mature into adulthood. A father’s guidance is vital to teaching his son to see worship as not only righteous but manly.

Relatedly, the Church needs our clergy to be more manly. One Catholic priest and author wrote in his book, The Changing Face of the Priesthood, that almost 60% of priests were homosexuals. Another author in his book, In the Closet of the Vatican, interviewed 1,500 clergy and others with Vatican connections and came away with a figure of 80% of Vatican priests being homosexual. Since Vatican II, the Mass has been made soft and effeminate, evidenced by a majority of priests who don’t ooze any ounce of masculinity and who pushed to have their previously virile, rugged-themed Mass songs, such as “Onward, Christian Soldiers, Marching as to War,” replaced by “Let Us Build the City of God” whose soft, unmanly lyrics include: “Awake from your slumber; arise from your sleep; a new day is dawning for all those who weep. …We are sons of the morning; we are daughters of day. …May our tears be turned into dancing…”

The priesthood is charged with the job of being tough, brave shepherds who defend the weak and fight the wolves in a hostile world, all the while prepared to lay down their lives if necessary. Being physically stronger, more combative, and driven to be dominant are the masculine attributes that priests should at least symbolically represent as they symbolize Jesus in His role as the bridegroom of the Church.

Jesus showed us the perfect model of masculinity when he engaged in spiritual combat, defended women, spoke of protecting children, and loudly proclaimed against the wickedness and snares of the devil. There is the famous account of when Jesus entered the temple and seeing merchants profiteering off the pious people, He fashioned some cords into a whip and started lashing the vendors and flipping over their tables (John 2:14-17). Another time, in a cutthroat and feisty manner, Jesus called out the scribes and pharisees as “hypocrites,” “blind fools,” “serpents,” and “brood of vipers” (Matthew 23:13-36).

In other words, when Jesus was in human form, He was more than the loving, tender, compassionate – some would say “feminized” – person that today’s cafeteria-Catholics often describe Him. At times he could be stoic, intense, fearless, or aggressive – common descriptors of a masculine man. In his human life, Jesus Christ demonstrated genuine masculine leadership in family, work, and spirituality. He showed that true masculinity may contain remnants of a desire to lead, control, and command, while also featuring the traits of serving, guiding, and protecting.

We can find the fullness of masculinity in the Son of God. We need to teach young boys that in Jesus Christ they will find the ultimate model of masculine virtue and strength that they need to strive for in their future lives, and we need to understand that society itself will benefit if more males – from young boys to new dads to veteran priests – can acquire this same type of masculinity.

Basically, beyond merely disregarding the falsity of so-called toxic masculinity, we need today’s adult males to step up, “be men,” and understand their God-given roles in society. These roles include staying married and living with their young sons, as well as being the genuinely masculine role-models the boys under their tutelage need to observe and imitate. We can still appreciate the ways by which men and women are similar to one another and share some common personality traits, but we must also cherish the core ways in which the two sexes differ and how only masculine men can pass on genuine, natural masculinity to their boys.

Of course, men (and women) have free will and often fall short of properly using our gifts from God. Any male behavior that is destructive or toxic is not true masculinity. We should acknowledge the dangers of false masculinity, but we should not pervert the natural, inborn nature of man. When appropriately understood and utilized, masculinity is the proper, natural, and upright way that a male acts and treats those around him.

So how do we stop making masculinity out to be the 21st century’s boogeyman, which today’s culture is propagandizing? Parents of boys and teachers/coaches/models of young men should affirm to the young males under their care that not only is true masculinity nothing to be ashamed of, but that the journey towards becoming a man is to be labeled as something good that God planned for us.

There will be difficult times on this journey toward manhood. For example, most boys and young men in the development of their masculine traits will at times struggle to express themselves emotionally and with open, tender-hearted communication. This type of personality trait is more challenging for males to develop. One piece of evidence are studies that show infant girls will look at the face of a silent adult twice as long as infant boys, more interested in the person – by God’s design.

Another difficulty for 21st century males when journeying from boyhood to manhood is how much they are exposed to pornography these days, with the initial exposure to hardcore porn happening at an average age of 9-10 years-old. Viewing porn subliminally conditions boys and men to believe women are objects for their own gratification, and that aggression, not tenderness, is the desired gesture during sexual relations.

Therefore, it is absolutely necessary to teach and model for our boys that there is nothing unmanly about showing authentic emotions, that we have a responsibility to tenderly love and respect the women in our lives, and that there will be times and relationships when men need to show gentleness and submission. But at the same time, it is critical that we not just allow, but we promote the other traits of masculinity and the beauty of boyhood, with all its proverbial wildness, griminess, and competitiveness. Masculinity is highly under-appreciated in this society we find ourselves – a world which is altering the male psyche by promoting male softness, docility, and passivity.

Society purposely sows confusion into the minds of young boys nowadays with the celebration of harmful events such as drag queen story hour at libraries and the promotion of castrating boys who are purportedly in the so-called wrong gender. In a similar way, the figurative neutering of males in our latest generations might be able to be traced back to when people started to purposefully weaken sports and competition, such as by outlawing dodgeball at recess and awarding trophies to everyone who donned a team uniform regardless of accomplishment. The feminization and (their word) queerness of men is pushed on boys not only by the leftist media and godless entertainment industry, but sadly by the current era’s immoral doctors, predator educators, and unfit parents.

Every boy needs at least one strong, masculine model – preferably their dad, but also could be their older brother, grandfather, uncle, or male teacher/coach – who tells the boy, “Follow my words and example as I am going to show you the path to grow up to be a man.” The Word of God tells us: “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17). 

All Biblical accounts, all of Tradition, and Jesus himself refer to God as our Father. God has no sexual identity but presents to us as our Father – as a male role model. God is referred to in masculine terms because that is the way God has chosen to reveal Himself to us. Although never described with sexual characteristics in the Scriptures, God does consistently describe Himself in the masculine gender. While God contains all the inherent qualities of both male and female sexes, He chose to present Himself to his children with an emphasis on masculine traits, such as that of a loving father, strong protector, and commanding leader. You will find in the Bible descriptors of God using manly language: King, Father, Judge, Husband, and Master.

Furthermore, our Creator forged men’s muscles to grow faster and stronger than the average female’s musculature. Men were created both biologically and intuitively differently and have progressed throughout history to be fighters, hunters, and protectors. Nonetheless, recent generations have lost their appreciation for these purposeful and beneficial differences, and it is hurting today’s boys and tomorrow’s men. The world needs men to remember their manliness and cooperate with God’s design. Deep in everyone’s soul is a desire to be recognized for who and what they are and reassured that it is good. We cannot accomplish in our young males a pride in who they are and reassurance in how they are developing if we are changing the very nature of what they are.