We Experience Our Lord’s Love in the Love of a Family

The family is the essential cell of society, the basic building block of civilization. Without the family there can be no well-ordered society. 

In the world today there are evil, perverse, and dangerous enemies who want to attack society, and they know the straightest line to their objective is to get to the family. You destroy the family; you annihilate the culture. 

The Fellowship of the Family

Saint Pope John Paul II taught about the nature and mission of the family in a special document he wrote. “Familiaris Consortio” invited parents to deepen their faith by learning what the family really is in God’s plan. 

Familiaris Consortio is Italian for “The Fellowship of the Family” and it has as a subtitle – “On the Role of the Christian Family in the Modern World.” This apostolic exhortation written in 1981 described the Catholic Church’s position on the role of marriage and the family, and the challenges towards realizing that ideal. Catholic parents who reflect on the Pope’s wise remarks in this publication will receive useful insight and spiritual growth.

One of the main themes in Familiaris Consortio for parents’ reflection is the family is based upon marriage between a father and a mother. Since marriage is an essential part of God’s plan, we must honor and support it. The Church teaches that Christian marriage is indissoluble with both a unitive and procreative purpose.

Christ affirmed that matrimony is a binding, permanent union of the male and female who give themselves completely to one another:

“[Jesus] said in reply, ‘Have you not read that from the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, no human being must separate. …Because of the hardness of your hearts Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for unchastity, and marries another, commits adultery; and he who marries a divorced woman, commits adultery.” (Matthew 19:4-9)

Disappointingly, the world today does not take marriage seriously. For the past century or so, the chosen remedy for a difficult marriage has been divorce. This has created major problems since it breaks apart families. Children are the victims, left without an intact family and without both parents living at home.

Divorce Harms Kids and Shatters One’s Relationship with God

As anecdotal evidence, during my 40 years as a teacher and principal I sadly repeatedly witnessed the majority of children in divorced families having both academic and behavioral problems. As for the empirical evidence that shows similarly negative effects of divorce on kids, research in 2001, in 2013, in 2016, and in 2019 all showed that divorce increases the likelihood the involved children will face difficult, sometimes formidable challenges.

These reports are just some of the many studies which reveal that children of divorce are at increased risk for living in poverty, academic failure, behavior problems, poor psychological adjustment, reduced self-concept, and reduced social competence. Kids whose parents divorce will also more likely experience their own family instability when they start their own marriages or relationships.

Specific facts from the four above sources include:

• Kids from divorced parents have an 8% lower probability of completing high school, a 12% lower probability of college attendance, and an 11% lower probability of college completion.

• Children whose parents divorced display a higher frequency of depression and/or violence and a higher risk for suicidal attempts. Later in life, men from families that divorced during their childhood were more than three times as likely to consider suicide than men whose parents never divorced.

• Youngsters living in step, blended, or one-parent families are about twice as likely than kids from intact families to have a mental disorder or need psychological help.

• Children of divorced or separated parents are twice as likely to live in poverty and engage in risky sexual behavior as they get older.

• Adolescents whose parents have divorced are more likely to experience injury, accidents, and illness than children whose parents have remained married. 

• Kids of divorced parents grow up to make less income and have lower-level jobs compared with children from two-parent families. 

The truth is marriage is ordained by God to last until death, just as our Lord’s love is faithful to us to the end. Sadly, recent estimates are that 50% of first marriages and up to 70% of second marriages will end in divorce.

It Called Only Be Called a ‘Marriage” When It’s One Man and One Woman

Society does not take marriage seriously these days as shown by another trend. Too many people are endorsing the false idea of “same-sex marriage.” Catholics must be counter-cultural by not falling for this falsehood, and be willing to speak up about authentic marriage. The only true type of marriage is between one man and one woman who enter into a permanent and exclusive relationship, open to life and for the good of the other.

God created the perfect complementarianism. First, He made males and females able to physically join as one, each bringing a unique contribution to the reproductive act. Secondly, God made moms and dads special in each bringing a unique personality and distinctive talents in parenting their family. Our Lord’s plan is for children to be raised by both a father and mother, and for the purposefully different roles of the two sexes combining to properly develop their kids.

The male father relates to and treats his children differently than the female mother. Generally speaking about God-given talents, when compared to females, males are less compassionate, less verbal, and physically stronger. Females are physically weaker yet more compassionate and verbal.

An example in the area of family discipline is the mom will more often offer flexibility and sympathy while the dad will typically be the one to provide predictability and consistency. This is not to say that there cannot be staunch mothers and sensitive fathers. But to say that God created women to show strength in an appropriately feminine way, and He created men to be compassionate but in a way that verifies their masculinity. 

Society today wants us to believe that there are no inherent differences in masculinity and femininity, and to go along with this, there is no difference between a traditional marriage and a so-called gay marriage.

To counter this propaganda, Catholic parents must vigorously teach their children that the God-created distinctions in males and females bring out the best of both worlds. When we acknowledge that there are logical and theological reasons for men and women to be different, we are affirming that God created the complementarianism for a reason. He wanted them to join together in conjugal love to reproduce, and He wanted them as unique male and female so that their differences from one another would balance out, supplement, and create a complete, effective whole.  

Successful Families Communicate and Pray

Familiaris Consortio explains how members of families are meant to communicate with one another in an open, trustful sharing and giving. Effective family communication includes praying together and eating meals together. Saint John Paul writes about the family praying together:

“Family prayer…is prayer offered in common, husband and wife together, parents and children together. …Christian parents have the specific responsibility of educating their children in prayer, introducing them to gradual discovery of the mystery of God and to personal dialogue with Him.”

The article “Family Prayer Is the Heartbeat of a Faithful Catholic Home” explains in more detail how to engrain prayer into a family’s routine. Furthermore, the article “How About Your Family Bringing Back This Once Common Daily Practice” details how the nightly ritual of eating dinner together and saying grace can powerfully enrich one’s family.

The Family Is Essential and Precious

In his exhortation on the family, John Paul notes how marriage is a covenant. Like the image of Jesus dying on the Cross for us, in a marriage each spouse is to love the other with the same sacrificial, outward-looking, selfless love that Jesus showed us 2,000 years ago. Our Lord intends that we first come to know and experience His love in the love of mother and father shared for each other and their children. 

John Paul II’s Familiaris Consortio reminds the faithful that “marriage and family constitute one of the most precious of human values.” The document reminds us of the many grave attacks which are occurring against the family and encourages moms and dads to strengthen and protect their families. Catholic families must stay together, pray together, and not be afraid to be counter-cultural in how they act and to what principles they adhere.