It is commonly accepted that when discussing the family unit, parents have authority over their children. What is not acknowledged by society is that the family must have a head, and even more controversial, that this head should be the husband/father. The reasons that the husband and father should be the one who exercises the ultimate authority in his family are both logical and theological.
Logically speaking, a family needs one true authority person who makes the final decision when a choice is deadlocked. It is why a school has a headmaster and a sports team has a head coach. In both cases, there is also a “next-in-charge” – a vice-principal and an assistant coach – who offer assistance and present other points of view. But there must be one head person in order for the school and the team to operate effectively.
This it is also why a car has only one steering wheel – as well as one gas pedal and one brake pedal. Two people cannot simultaneously steer the car – as well as speed up and then apply the brakes when necessary – or else there would not only be an inability to effectively get from point A to point B, but most likely a devastating crash.
Now, that is not to say that it isn’t helpful for there to be a person “riding shotgun,” sitting in the car’s front passenger seat alongside the driver to give directions and to let the driver know that it’s clear on the right side to change lanes. The so-called “co-pilot” of the vehicle may even be a more skilled driver than the one behind the wheel, but when the car is speeding down the highway, there needs to be the one driver who makes the ultimate decisions of steering and braking.
If we can see the logical reason of why a car won’t work when you give equal authority to two drivers, let us move on to the theological reason why the husband and father needs to be the ultimate authority figure in a family. It is based on the God’s plan for the nature of the two sexes and the roles each sex was created to play.
In Genesis, we read that God created the male first and then He said it was not good for man to be alone so He would make man “a helper.” Accordingly, God took one of the male’s ribs to create the female, which not only indicated the intimate unity that should exist between a man and his wife, but also identified the order of creation. You could say that God created the driver first, and then next in line created the co-pilot who would sit alongside him to help.
Even if one doesn’t take the story literally of how God created man and woman, this Genesis story was repeatedly handed down through history to explain the partnership of the two sexes and that one is first and the other second. God could have chosen to create the male and female at exactly the same time, forming the man with half the dust and the woman with the other half, and then simultaneously breathing life into both their nostrils. Yet, our Creator chose to first have a driver and then to add a helper riding shotgun.
Later in the New Testament, we read that it was the child-Jesus’s father – Joseph – who was recognized as the head of the family in several angelic visitations:
“Now when they had departed, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream and said, ‘Rise, take the child and his mother, and flee to Egypt, and remain there till I tell you; for Herod is about to search for the child, to destroy him.’ And he rose and took the child and his mother by night, and departed to Egypt…
…When Herod died, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared in a dream to Joseph in Egypt, saying, ‘Rise, take the child and his mother, and go to the land of Israel, for those who sought the child’s life are dead.’ And he rose and took the child and his mother, and went to the land of Israel.” (Matthew 2: 13-14, 19-21)
God the Father wanted His Son to be raised in the best-case scenario of a family with a traditional, proper husband-wife relationship, where Mary submitted to Joseph because she agreed that he was to be the head. It is important to understand that just because a wife and mother is naturally made to submit to her husband and children’s father as the final authority, she also has been created to be a powerful influence over her husband so to help him make good choices. The proper wife and mother was not created to be weak and passive, but to be smart and reasonable in realizing, “My family needs one head and I will assist my spouse in his role as leader.” Likewise, the proper husband and father was not created to be an unyielding, pig-headed authoritarian, but was made to lead his family in a loving way.
God created the perfect complementarianism first in how He made males and females able to physically join as one and each bring a unique contribution to the reproductive act, and secondly in how He made moms and dads special in each bringing a unique personality and distinctive talents in parenting their family. Of course there are exceptions, such as in my own personal situation of my dad dying when I was four and my mom ending up raising my four siblings and me as a single parent. But the best scenario and the obvious plan by God is for children to be raised by both a father and mother, and for the purposefully different roles of the two sexes combining to properly develop their kids.
Men as fathers relate to and treat their children differently than female mothers. Generally speaking, when compared to females, males are less compassionate, less verbal, and physically stronger. Females are physically weaker yet more compassionate and verbal. So as an example, by using their God-given talents, the mothers in most cases will be better than fathers when it comes to talking to their children who are working through personal relationship issues, and the dads will be better when it comes to answering less intimate questions from their children such as regarding politics and money. This is not to say that there cannot be resilient women and sensitive men, but God created women to become strong in an appropriately feminine way, and men were made to be compassionate but in a way that verifies their masculinity.
Society today wants us to believe that there are no inherent differences in masculinity and femininity. A woman is made to believe that if she does not demand equal power with her man, then she is not better than a slave who is under complete control. But Catholics must be counter-cultural, not fall for this falsehood, and proudly state as well as teach their children that the God-created distinctions in males and females bring out the best of both worlds. When we acknowledge that there are logical and theological reasons for men and women to be different, we are not implying that one sex is less important. We are simply affirming that God created the complementarianism between male and female not so one would be less than or better than their partner, but so that their differences from one another would balance out, supplement, and create a complete, effective whole.
In the Sacrament of Marriage, God expects the husband and wife to help each other grow in holiness. Our Heavenly Father has created a plan that has each spouse sharing their strengths with their partner while asking this partner to in turn help them make up for their own weaknesses. A husband and wife must strive to encourage each other to grow in relationship with Jesus so that they can ultimately lead one another towards the prize of Heaven.
A commonly misinterpreted passage in Scripture is Ephesians 5:22:
“Wives, be submissive/subject to your husbands as to the Lord.”
When you look at the accompanying verses, and not this one line, and when you consider all of what Saint Paul is saying through the lens of a faithful Catholic and not blindly through the lens of the secular culture, you can better comprehend the meaning.
“Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. As the church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…
…Even so husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no man ever hates his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ This is a great mystery, and I mean in reference to Christ and the church; however, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” (Ephesians 5: 21-25, 28-33)
God’s words are not solely pointing out the need for submission from women but is actually emphasizing mutual submission. Not only does Scripture state that husbands and wives are to be subject to one another, but then four different times it declares that husbands are to love their wives. There is no talk about the man dominating and controlling the woman like a tyrant would oppress his subjects. The theological reasoning for the husband and father to be the head of the family has nothing to do with the female needing to blindly obey or allow herself to be emotionally or physically abused.
Instead, what Christians are taught is that on one hand we expect the wife and mother to wholly and unselfishly offer herself to the husband and acknowledge that he is the head of the family. And on the other hand, we expect the husband and father to love his spouse as much as Jesus loved us by sacrificing Himself on the cross. In other words, the man is called to lead his wife and children in a loving way like how Christ treasured us to the point of dying for us. It’s actually quite a remarkable way the two roles of mom/wife and dad/husband complement and serve one another. It is why marriage and parenting are beautiful things.
A PRINCIPAL'S PRINCIPLES FOR PARENTING 
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